So I think there may have been some bullying at school today - I've emailed the teacher and she's going to talk to everyone involved. Here's what I know: I know Aidan got sent to the principal's office today for throwing mulch at TJ. The reason I'm writing is because of something he said happened in PE today that other students prevented him from telling the coach.
Aidan says that: Boy 1, while they were playing football, was "not playing fair" and when Aidan said something to him about it, Boy 1 "flipped" him onto the ground (he says this happened twice). When Boy 2 tried to defend Aidan from Boy 1 hurting him again, Boy 2 got pushed down. Aidan was going to tell coach, who wasn't available, then Boy 1 got him to the ground again and when Aidan was trying to get up, Boy 1 held him down, and Boy 3 "slid past" Aidan and Boy 2 kicked Boy 3 in the neck. Aidan left the situation at this point which ended the whole thing.
This is what Aidan told me, and granted he can be hard to understand, and I'm not sure if this all happened today or if this was split up over different times, or how much was exaggerated. And honestly, Aidan could have left out any hitting, pushing, etc that he did. Aidan didn't want to tell the teacher because he was afraid that he would get in trouble with the boys for telling (or maybe because he thought he would also get in trouble with the teacher?).
What's your take?
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Bullying - My fears and hopes as a mother
I posted this on Facebook a while back, but somehow it never made it here.
A decade ago (well, more than that now, but close) we watched the horror of Columbine (and other tragedies like Paducah and Little Rock) where the result of bullying was the lashing out of those who were bullied so that they took the lives of others in their desperation. What did we do? We didn't stop the bullying. We didn't tell our kids how wrong it was or pound into their young brains (I was a kid then, Columbine was my junior year of high school) how much harm and heartbreak they were doing to those they bullied. It was never stressed how very wrong it was, or even what exactly bullying is. We were given mesh backpacks and told we couldn't wear black and made to walk through metal detectors and be watched by security guards and cops. We were taught fear, not tolerance.
At what point does "harmless fun poking" and "gossip" become bullying and defamation of character? When is it too much? We never taught that lesson. Even adults bully. We say bad things about even our friends behind their backs. I grew up being bullied. Not pushed around or cursed at or taunted, just shunned or snipped at, or worse nasty comments made when my back was turned or people thought I wasn't listening. It still hurts when I think about it, so I try really hard not to. It was so bad that even now, although people are nice to my face, I always wonder what they say when I'm not around - ESPECIALLY if they bad mouth other people behind their backs when I'm around.
Now, the result of bullying is no less tragic.
Instead of killing others, the victims of bullying turn their pain and anger inward. They cut, they cry, they ultimately kill themselves in way too many instances. The pain wrought by "harmless" words ends in the worst way possible. Never is a punch thrown, no kids are pushed down, half the time no mean words are ever spoken to the target's face. It's surreptitious, insidious, and devastating.
At what point do we teach kids better?!? My child has autism. He is disabled, and has a lot of difficulty with understanding social mores. Often he does strange things in order to cope with the world around him (Ear muffs at the grocery store? Roaring at friends when things are overstimulating him? Melting down for 45 minutes when he can't express his needs?). He is afraid to be around our next door neighbor's 9 year old daughter (or their son). He knows that she says mean things to him, calls him stupid, calls him baby, taunts him and tells him he can't play with her and her brother (who is Aidan's age). Where in the world did she learn this behavior? Considering that when I approached her parents about her brother's bullying of Aidan, we were only answered with "Well Aidan sometimes does stuff too". Wow. Really? The fear that the bullying will only get worse as Aidan gets older and kids get meaner terrifies me. I can't even bear the fact that he might have to deal with the bullying I did - or worse.
How do we teach kids what defines bullying and why it's so harmful? When do we finally get across to them that enough is enough, and not only should they not bully but they shouldn't stand by while someone is BEING a bully? How bad do the consequences have to be, how many kids have to die before we finally say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH?!
As one of those kids who was an "outcast" and never one of the "cool kids", I vow that my child will know exactly what bullying is and why it's wrong, and that he will be taught that it is NEVER acceptable, whether he's the one doing it, or someone is doing it to him or someone around him. Will you do the same and stop this endless cycle of heartbreak?
At what point does "harmless fun poking" and "gossip" become bullying and defamation of character? When is it too much? We never taught that lesson. Even adults bully. We say bad things about even our friends behind their backs. I grew up being bullied. Not pushed around or cursed at or taunted, just shunned or snipped at, or worse nasty comments made when my back was turned or people thought I wasn't listening. It still hurts when I think about it, so I try really hard not to. It was so bad that even now, although people are nice to my face, I always wonder what they say when I'm not around - ESPECIALLY if they bad mouth other people behind their backs when I'm around.
Now, the result of bullying is no less tragic.
Instead of killing others, the victims of bullying turn their pain and anger inward. They cut, they cry, they ultimately kill themselves in way too many instances. The pain wrought by "harmless" words ends in the worst way possible. Never is a punch thrown, no kids are pushed down, half the time no mean words are ever spoken to the target's face. It's surreptitious, insidious, and devastating.
At what point do we teach kids better?!? My child has autism. He is disabled, and has a lot of difficulty with understanding social mores. Often he does strange things in order to cope with the world around him (Ear muffs at the grocery store? Roaring at friends when things are overstimulating him? Melting down for 45 minutes when he can't express his needs?). He is afraid to be around our next door neighbor's 9 year old daughter (or their son). He knows that she says mean things to him, calls him stupid, calls him baby, taunts him and tells him he can't play with her and her brother (who is Aidan's age). Where in the world did she learn this behavior? Considering that when I approached her parents about her brother's bullying of Aidan, we were only answered with "Well Aidan sometimes does stuff too". Wow. Really? The fear that the bullying will only get worse as Aidan gets older and kids get meaner terrifies me. I can't even bear the fact that he might have to deal with the bullying I did - or worse.
How do we teach kids what defines bullying and why it's so harmful? When do we finally get across to them that enough is enough, and not only should they not bully but they shouldn't stand by while someone is BEING a bully? How bad do the consequences have to be, how many kids have to die before we finally say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH?!
As one of those kids who was an "outcast" and never one of the "cool kids", I vow that my child will know exactly what bullying is and why it's wrong, and that he will be taught that it is NEVER acceptable, whether he's the one doing it, or someone is doing it to him or someone around him. Will you do the same and stop this endless cycle of heartbreak?
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Another encounter with Bullies.
Earlier today Aidan had an encounter with Bullies. I wrote about it on Facebook and some on Twitter, so I'll just compile it all here for everyone, and for the general record.
Around 3:30pm -
"OMG WTF! SOME KID DOWN THE STREET JUST BEAT AIDAN UP!!! She punched him several times, and he has an abrasion on his face and ear. He says he doesn't know why, that he didn't hit her or say anything mean to her.
He said she pushed him down and punched him in the face and the head and legs, and pulled his ear. He couldn't tell me what words she said. I'm so upset right now, angry and sad that this could happen to my child. I don't know what to do.
He says that there were three kids - the little girl was the one hitting him and one of the other kids, an older boy, was taking pictures. He said he's never played with them before, but that once they tried to break his scooter."
A couple of people made suggestions:
"Well I suggest you talk to her parents, prob better after you calm down. If that doesn't get anywhere, contact the police."
"ugh I hate bullies. I'm so sorry! maybe take pictures of the injuries..?"
I responded:
"I don't know where the kids live - and I am sure that if their parents are anything like the other parents in the neighborhood then it will just come down to a case of he said-she said. It's happened before, although never before has a kid punched him."
And then about half an hour later:
"Are you freaking KIDDING ME?! The kids just came back down here and asked if he could come back out and play. I asked them what happened...It didn't match up to Aidan's story at all, except that they were playing with lightsabers. I told them he couldn't play anymore with them.Why would he say she punched him with her hands if they were just "playing at hitting each other with lightsabers"?"
To which I received several responses from friends:
"If the kids are still out there, go ask them where they live. For Aiden's sake, the least you should do is talk with the parents."
"I don't think your child is a liar. I DO think you need to take pics of his injuries & set up time to talk w/ other kids' parents. Aidan doesn't make stuff like this up. Sounds like the 3 kids were tormenting him & if there are pics on their cameras it's proof."
I said:
"We don't know what house they live in, and the kids are gone now. I wish Jeremy were here, so we could find out. I don't do well in situations like this. I'm not sure all the kids are even related."
"I don't know - they acted like they didn't know what I was talking about when I asked about that. I'm sure they deleted them."
I'm not entirely sure of the whole situation. I don't know the whole story - Aidan told me what he could, and it's entirely possible he was playing rough and left something out, but I still think it was inexcusable for her to punch him and for other kids to take pictures. It's not just Aidan - he gets along fine with Jacob and Jonas and Briley and her brothers, as well as the kids at school. The only problems I've really seen are with the kids today and the next door neighbor kids who are very verbally abusive. I'm still very upset over it, but Aidan seems to be okay for now. He definitely will not be playing with those children again.
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