You Might Be an Autism Parent If...

So for the last 24 hours on Twitter, the hashtag #youmightbeanautismparentif has been flooded with tweets from autism parents worldwide commiserating and joining in fellowship and camaraderie over what it means to be the parent of a child with autism. Here are some of my favorites:


You might be an Autism Parent If:

• You detest the phrase 'this too will pass', because it WILL take forever to pass..and it WILL be back, again.
• It's never easy to choose between telling your kid something ahead of time, & not warning them.
• Your 8 yr old has mastered every level of  Lego Star Wars but can't put on his own shirt w/out help.
• You're not sure who needs the padded helmet w/ faceguard more...your kid, or you.
• You know its a bad day when you find all the trains lined up
• You have more people that understand you in other states and countries than in your own neighborhood.
• You have to communicate in sequences....i.e. first brush teeth, then bedtime.
• You get so excited when your child masters a skill that he/she is a year or more delayed in!
• You know *just* how much silence is too much silence. And then you run to check on them.
• You use the phrase "use your words" repeatedly throughout the day
• Your son is 8 years old but still pees on his pants at least once a week.
• Your child makes up un-funny jokes in an attempt to understand humor, irony, and metaphor - unsuccessfully.
• The school staff hates to see you coming! Because they know you're not taking any crap when it comes to your kids!
• You make up songs for almost anything because your kid responds better to it.
• You have a heart attack when you see the school phone number on the caller i.d. Shit! What did he do now?
• You've ever carried a screaming, flailing child out of a store & you knew it was for the best.
• There are days you feel and look like a battered wife because your child had a major meltdown
• You're accused of being overly protective of your child, and overly sensitive to popular culture!
• Your kid has the hardest time telling you the simplest of things, but can turn Legos into amazing things with no plans
• Your child tells a joke over and over until somebody laughs
• Every activity you do comes with a series of warnings approaching the end of the activity.
• You can't vacuum without a 15 minute warning announcement
• You're sometimes amazed at the sounds and faces your child can make in a day!
• You have had someone say "maybe if you were more consistent...." and you want to gut punch them
• It doesn't matter how cold it is, your child WILL NOT go to sleep without the fan on in his room.
• Anything "_____tard" is likely to not only offend, but infuriate you!
• You start to realize the apple doesn't fall far from the...hey is that a squirrel?
• You really relate to ' Gerald Mc Boing Boing'
• Your twitter friends understand you and your child better than your local friends
• You know exactly what a pooptastrophe is and are happy beyond words when your child outgrows this behavior.
• Everytime ANYONE comes to your house your child tries to hijack them to come play legos with him. 
• You have to think through EVERYTHING you need to say first so that your child doesn't take something literally.
• You sigh when other people tell you how their parents handled that when THEY were kids. 
• You've given a complete stranger a tongue lashing for suggesting your kid has a discipline problem
• You're used to strangers looking to you for translation because they couldn't understand a word your kid said
• You sometimes have to remind yourself there are a lot worse things that could happen to your child than autism.
• You avoid public bathrooms because they are too loud and cause sensory overload.
• People always question your child's behaviour and the way you raise your child.
• You see no problem with your child scooting around on the floor with his head down for hours making weird sounds
• You've apologized to restaurant staff because your child said the place smelled bad and you had to leave.
• There are lines and lines and LINES of small toys all over the place
• You know your child was given dairy milk at school because he's acting crazier than normal.
• Your child refers to a friend as "The Third Boy" rather than by name even after a year.
• You forget how delayed your child's speech is until you hear a 4 yr old talk better than your 8 yr old
• You still get nervous before an IEP no matter how many times you've had one.
• You dont even blink an eye when seeing a child twirling and flapping in public
• You have to buy your child's favorite food in bulk quantities because anything else you buy will go uneaten.
• You have the child locks on your car doors because your child has tried to jump out driving down the road.
• Your 7 year old has designed 40 different versions of the Dominator from Storm Chasers 
• It makes you sick when other normal kids your child's age make comments or stare during an inclusive sport
• You feel like a stuck record when asking a kid to do a simple as "put your jacket on"
• You think a meltdown is something that happens to a child, not a nuclear reactor.
• You get pissed at parents of neurotypical kids because they call you selfish for NEEDING A BREAK
• Your child lectures you on the dangers of speeding as you drive them to kindergarten
• You can tell the difference between a meltdown and a temper tantrum even when nobody else can
• You have to explain EVERY step in the process. i.e. 1.raise hand 2.WAIT to be called on 3.answer.
• Your child has 3 time frames - Today, Tomorrow, and Later.
• You're afraid to put your child in sports because it could cause a sensory meltdown in public
• You've ever cleaned poop off the walls of your apartment at 5am.
• You plead with your child to be allowed to throw away the packaging
• You've ever cried because a teacher "gets it"
• You remarry and are super grateful that your spouse chose you and loves your child like his own.
• You've ever wanted to strangle a neighbor kid for bullying your child but were too busy crying instead.
• You've ever put special locks on your doors to keep your child from eloping.
• The words, "he doesn't look like he has Autism" make you roll your eyes.
• You don't even react to all the strange screeches, grunts, snorts, etc coming from your child.
• You've got Meltdown Early Warning Radar
• You want to cry when someone says, "He must be mild..."
• You use the Nintendo or ipod as a muffling device when you know you're going somewhere overstimulating
• You consider friends you've only talked to on-line as some of your most trusted confidants
• You know the name of every Thomas engine.
• You've wanted to strangle a parent of a neurotypical child who says your child just needs some discipline.
• Some days you don't have much to say to "normal" parents.
• There are three sets of rules on your fridge, including one your child made for the dog. (Rules are important!!)
• You celebrate with a friend when her child eats two bites of pancakes!
• You brace yourself for a tantrum when you inform your kid there's an errand you forgot, and wasn't on the list
• You've left a full cart in the store and left because of a meltdown.
• You consider twitter peeps you've never met, who have autistic children, some of your best friends.
• Your child has beaten Lego Star Wars 3 times in the last year and he's only 7.
• You watch a movie via your child mimicking it back at you instead of watching it on TV.
• You get excited when your child eats something more than chicken nuggets and pizza.
• You still bear scars from your child's last 3 meltdowns.
• You carry earmuffs and sunglasses in your purse for your child at all times.
• You get excited when your child swears because at least they said something.

I would try to credit everyone who tweeted these, but I couldn't even begin to try. So I'll just thank all the autism parents on twitter in general.  You guys are awesome and I couldn't do it without your support and humor!