Introduction: A Thinking Person's Guide to Neurotypicals

A Guide to Neurotypicals -

For Those on the Autism Spectrum

Neurotypical: A term used by those on the Autism Spectrum to describe people who have typical neurological development and functionality.

There are hundreds if not thousands of books available to help “normal” people navigate and understand their family and friends who have Autism or Asperger's Syndrome. Neurotypicals know that people on the spectrum have issues with communication, social navigation, routine, sensory overload. When their child is diagnosed they're given guides and websites to try to help them understand. But what about those who are ON the spectrum? What are THEY given to help navigate a world that isn't made for them? How does a person with Asperger's or Autism understand a culture and language that isn't made for them? There are so many facets of neurotypical society that are just instinct for those who are “normal”. A neurotypical child learns body language and social mores simply by being a part of them. They learn how to lie and love and read faces and act “properly” with hardly any actual teaching.

The comparison has been made between a person with an Autism Spectrum Disorder and a person being dropped, with no warning or previous training, into a foreign culture. There is great frustration in learning not only the language but what certain gestures or expressions mean, social etiquette, things to avoid saying and doing that might offend or confuse. Add to that trying to understand what the locals are trying to convey who don't understand your language any better than you understand theirs. It can be maddening and overwhelming. The locals don't even notice the overwhelming sounds or smells of their city – they are accustomed to it and think that you, as a foreigner, are being melodramatic or even rude for commenting on your discomfort and asking for any adjustments to be made on your behalf. Their customs and traditions and humor are difficult to navigate at best and maddening at worst. But you have no choice. There is no option to leave. Some outsiders who enter this foreign land never do learn the language and are considered by the locals to be mentally deficient simply because they never did pick up the ability to communicate or understand the complicated traditions.

But more and more people are being diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder every day. The current statistic rests somewhere between 1 in 110 and 1 in 91. That's right around 1% of the population who is DIAGNOSED as having autism or Asperger's. This isn't including all those who are borderline, or whose parents didn't have the money, means, or awareness to take them to someone who could diagnose them. The numbers are steadily rising, and since we have no idea what causes it, the numbers will probably continue to increase. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, so long as neurotypicals and those on the spectrum can learn to communicate. Obviously the next step is to provide a sort of road-map to the neurotypical world for those on the spectrum.

My plan, eventually, is to turn this into an in depth book that is easily accessible whether or not a person has internet readily available. For now though, I am going to kick off a condensed version here on my blog. I ENCOURAGE and ASK for lots of questions and input from my Aspies and Auties out there!  Stay tuned as I push out what is hopefully some great information for those on the spectrum to function in a world too stubborn to accommodate them!

The topics I plan to cover are:

• Herd of Humans (inability to be alone, social hierarchy, tradition, ritual, bullying),
• Talking Without Words (non-verbal communication via body language, facial expression, and voice tone),
• Nevermind what I say, you know what I mean (lying, figurative language, hyperbole, sarcasm),
• Emotional vs Logical Beings (flighty, irrational, emotional, lack of focus)

Best Friends

For autistic children the idea of friends is very different.  Their interests are often so focused on one or two specific things (for Aidan it's trains and storm-chasing, but it's branching out and often includes Star Wars or related things).  Because of this, it is often hard for neurotypical kids to relate to autistic children because they get bored with the autistic child's single-minded interest in something.  Also, autistic kids have a hard time understanding social mores.  There is no "polite" where the truth is involved.  If you're bothering him, you're bothering him and he's going to tell you.  If he has something to tell you about something you said (even if it doesn't seem related) he's going to interrupt and tell you (he may even think you're done talking because he can't read your face to know that you were continuing a thought).  Most neurotypical kids don't have the maturity or the patience to put up with the oddities that make up autism, and so they do one of two things: they either make fun of the child endlessly, or they just stop playing with the child.

Aidan has two true friends (I would say three, but he hasn't seen Hayden in so long, I'm not really sure where their friendship stands).  One of those two friends is autistic as well.  Jacob is the same age as Aidan and about the same level of functionality as well.  Because they live by most of the same social rules, they get along well.  When one has reached his limit of socialization, the other is usually at about the same point and they separate with no feelings hurt to give themselves time to reset and refresh. They both have similar single-minded interests and so they can share those focuses with each other without getting bored.  It's interesting to see their interaction, but I understand why they get along so well.

Aidan's other best friend is Jonas.  Jonas is a completely typical little boy, in every sense of the word.  What's very interesting though, is that he somehow seems to understand Aidan's actions and oddities and needs and he responds to them with compassion and patience instead of fear or disgust.  Don't get me wrong - the two have arguments and fights, just like any other two little boys would.  But Jonas doesn't fight unfairly, he doesn't take advantage of Aidan's limitations of language or social understanding (and trust me, I've seen most every other kid Aidan has played with do this very thing).  Aidan's imagination and social competency has grown so much since he's started playing with Jonas and it's amazing to watch him grow when he's around this little red-haired kid.

What I'm curious about, and may never learn the answer to, is how and why Jonas, unlike all the other neurotypical kids Aidan has met, is able to mold his own behaviors and sociality and methods of playing to suit what Aidan needs.  He's open-minded and compassionate (and very mischievous!) and he genuinely enjoys playing with Aidan.  I wish I understood what was different about how this kid sees the world so I could use it to help other people better adapt to their peers who are anything but typical.  What lessons has this six year old kid learned that the rest of us need to be taught?